My WorLd

2010-12-20T00:55:00.000+08:00

2 Cor 11

22 Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they the seed of Abraham? So am I. 23 Are they ministers of Christ?—I speak as a fool—I am more: in labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently, in deaths often. 24 From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness— 28 besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches. 29 Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to stumble, and I do not burn with indignation?

help me go through it like you helped Paul.

whatever it is.

Jesus

2010-07-12T22:19:00.003+08:00

When the bad times comes,
I remember You
When the good times are here,
Remind me of You.

When I'm hungry and thirsty,
I look for You
When I'm filled to the brim,
I give thanks to You.

When tears run through the tear in my heart,
I feel you near
When joy comes as strength,
I know you are here.

You'll never leave me nor forsake me
You've always been there for me.

When I'm burdened and depressed,
You lifted me up
When I'm happy and glad,
You celebrated with me.

When I wandered and lost,
You found me
When I walk with you
You bring lightness to my steps.

When my enemies surrounds me,
You are my shelter and refuge
In the day of my triumph,
My heart is filled with gratitude.

You're the only true friend I have
You stayed with me,
You witnessed the heartaches and sorrows, joy and gladness.
Your presence satiates my longing
Your peace fills my heart.

You never turned your face away from me
no matter what I've said or done.
You held me close in my darkest hours
telling me you'll never let go.

I love You friend.

Belle of the Boulevard

2010-07-06T15:25:00.003+08:00

I've been looking back at some of the mistakes that I've made in the past. It made me reflect on what really went wrong, and what should have been done better. I'll just give an apology to anyone whom I have hurt. Especially to those who were close. I beg your pardon for wrongs done towards you, and I sincerely ask that you let forgiveness come into your heart.

I was young and foolish. I thought I could conquer the world with my enthusiasm but that never proved true. I've done many things I'm not proud of, and some of them still fills me with regrets. I ought to have been a better example of Christ that I say I follow. There has been many close ones whom I have offended intentionally or otherwise. They still come into my mind frequently.

Having say that, I know my God is constantly doing a work in my life, towards the day of glory. I'll still do wrong things and hurt people, but I claim the grace and mercy that was given over my life. I will cherish my current relationships. I will imitate Him as closely as I possibly can. But should i stumble, please give me a chance. Help me up and give me your mercy. If you are a friend I can count on, I'll be a friend you can count on.

When others revile me, I'll not lash out, but pray that peace and joy will go into their lives. I pray that my life will be a testimony of God's love and presence in an ordinary person.

Water and bridges

2010-06-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

And that's enough for the back to break
That's an awful lot to take
But I've been paying for it since I drove my girl away
And that's the sign of a solemn man
I'll make the best of the best I can
And I'll be better for it if I ever get my chance

TW TPE

2010-06-16T19:30:00.002+08:00

I have decided to try to go to TW for my mission trip for SOT.

Now I've got to brush up my mandarin and look for funds.

Yeah...

Just a zero nobody's hero

2010-06-16T01:58:00.001+08:00

it's 2am and I'm still awake. This sucks.

You might as well just spit in my face.

I thought I've learnt my lesson by now, but I'm still the fool.

Tree or three?

2010-06-13T23:06:00.002+08:00

There are so many things I ought to be doing now but I'm not.
SOT starts tomorrow, and it's back to school. I have yet to get a job to start paying for my expenditures. Hopefully a good lobang will come my way soon.

iPad, iPhone 4, Macbook Pro, holidays. Those shall be attainable soon. I hope.

Taiwan is such a hot destination to be at this year. I guess Thailand just can't match up to the safe and secure streets of ROC. Since April, FB has been clogged with pictures of friends in Taiwan. It's really an awesome holiday destination, somewhere you may take a perma vacation and not regret it. Buy a house by the seaside, enjoy the chilly sea breeze and then sit back and enjoy the day over a cup of hot tea or cold beer; whichever way you prefer it. Next year, if time and money permits, I'll spent two weeks there. Once again, hopefully.

Saying I love you, in a different way

2010-04-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

There are so many ways to express love,
a peck on the cheek
a hug goodbye
cooking a simple meal
taking time off to meet
travelling through distance and time
waiting and waiting

all to say I love you without the words

Forgiveness

2010-04-19T00:36:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I've last took time to forgive others, as well as myself. All the failings, and disappointments. Learning to forgive will take up energy and perhaps, lots of pride, but it's a choice I make.

I think I'm a boring person. I'm not informed of events happening in the city, got no talent to entertain people, not a very good person to chat with.

That's why I'm afraid I'll bore you to death.

Realization

2010-04-12T00:39:00.001+08:00

Don't deny me
this pain I'm going through

you gotta give me credit. At least I stuck

Best friends

2010-04-11T02:06:00.002+08:00

I just realized
those I consider
my best friends
are those furthest away from me.

I'm no longer in touch with Vath and Simon
no longer on the same wavelength as Raj
Wasinee lives all the way in Thailand
Mao Shen is in his own world and can't be found
and Carl and Don have totally different lives now.
It's still too early to tell, if OBK and WY, Jon are of the same material

best friends are treasures. Got to fight tooth and nail to keep them.
Of course dun let it be a one-sided friendship. Got to know where you stand.

The only reason I'm awake
is because I've been turned out.
I need food, and I wanna drink

Nil, nada, zilch

2010-04-10T23:41:00.002+08:00

You hurt a lot because either you're too in love with the other, or too in love with yourself.

Camp is crap. Lousy superiors trying to prove their worth all the time at the expense of others.
Pride, discipline, honor takes a backseat to backstabbing, hypocrisy and laziness. There's not a single regular who has earnt my respect.
I can't imagine all my future hard-earn money going to taxes to pay for a bunch of slackers so that they are compensated for their "service" to our nation. This is bulls.

I'm suffering from post-holiday blues. How nice it would be to just go and not have to come back. Taiwan is so beautiful. The people, the scenery, the life. Even living under the threat of invasion and natural disasters has not fazed their appeitite for a fulfilling life.

Dang I'm old

2010-04-08T00:06:00.002+08:00

It's goodbye 21 and moving onto a new stage in life of greater responsibilities and opportunities.

I hope this year will prove to be a greater and more fulfilling year than the previous one.

Can't wait to get out of GB for good.

However you look at it

2010-04-07T01:31:00.001+08:00

Whatever the reasons
the way things were handled
sucks

you wouldn't want anybody doing it to you

sometimes, you just got to try your darnest...

2010-03-26T01:24:00.002+08:00

move on.
that's what I have been trying to do for months.

got my license, trying to get into U, making sure that I get a job after I ORD, those are the immediate plans.

to move on,
even when every part of my mind refuses to let go
when I start feeling screwed over every time I turn around
things I shouldn't have said or do
being replayed over and over in my mind
stupid memories that still lingers.

just a tiny little bit of emptiness to remind me
how part of my life went into a black hole
the life force that drives me being sucked out
day by day the hollowness gnawing at me
chew me up as her claws clung onto my bones

emotions are troublesome
Don once said
I never paid attention
should have given him the credit
Now I'll never forget it

this deep big gap
could hardly contain anyone else
not going to try
not going to be a fool again

it was stupid stupid stupidity
on my part

how to move on?

I need to forget.

The prata house

2010-03-19T01:04:00.002+08:00

Everybody can say a little something about it but one size does not fit all

if I'm right (but I'm usually wrong) the ball had always been in your court.
The choice was never mine to begin with, just like so many things in life

it's surprising how a few words can screw up your brains just like that
when you cannot resist the temptation to see

what else have I got to do but to be polite when everyones on your side

my life is over, I know not what I'm doing
just an empty husk floating in an abundant ocean of despair
never quite fulfilled, never quite satisfied

darling what am I to you?

You are, the only exception

2010-03-18T02:13:00.002+08:00

The best gift
the brown bag
I thought of it
on the way back

the hardest thing
to forget
to let it go
so I won't regret

Once bitten
twice shy
thrice the fool
never again

that doesn't mean
a single thing
there are always
the treasures that begin

We're moving to Suntec and there's nothing you can do about it

2010-03-07T01:16:00.003+08:00

yeah

Except post on the forums about how CHC should do this and that, and what the pastors should do to themselves.

Wake up your idea, people without dreams.
It's not about the building. It has always been about God. You want to worship God you do so extravagantly, there are so many examples if only you could read. If you could read you wouldn't be posting with languages I don't want my kids to learn.

You keyboard warriors raise a big issue over what Christian leaders are saying and doing, but you never reflect on the way you attack churches and pastors. If you can only look down and see that the stage you built for yourselves to attack others is the very same thing that you claim you despise.

Get a life, do something real for once. Like helping out in Haiti, or even the poor in your neighborhood. Spending too much time on the computer isn't going to get you anywhere unless you are Steve Jobs.

Finally, reading all these comments just show me how ignorant some people really can be. If you're dumb, keep quiet. No need to let the whole world know.

Say goodbye

2010-03-03T20:52:00.002+08:00

Well, I should say that's it's back to being alone for now. No point damaging myself everyday a little by little.

It's time to restart life, refocus priorities, get things right, rebuilt my future.
Time to return to who I really am.

Yeah it's still tough having to rip myself off the pieces still floating around, but I'll get through it, because I'm Joshua Sim.

Until morning

2010-02-25T11:44:00.002+08:00

Everyday I die a little inside.
So that when the time comes,
all I have is nothing
so all I want is not of any value anymore

Show me the meaning of being lonely

2010-02-24T00:38:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of this life.

Parking without poles

2010-02-18T22:58:00.002+08:00

Life in Singapore is like parking with poles, you plan, you strategise, you follow closely to the method given, and you complete your task. But when the poles are taken away, you only have your eyes to see and your instincts to follow. There's no easy way, no set way, no fool-proof way, you have to trust in your own ability in order to be successful.

it's down this path again,
the light at the end of the tunnel,
is but a myth.

I needa go for drink, drank, drunk.
The world is making us all dark, damaged, weather-beaten individuals. Our old beliefs have been stripped away, old practices done away with. It's time for a change.

2010-02-11T00:08:00.002+08:00

Wisdom tooth extraction in the beginning of May, Taiwan trip mostly confirmed, and so many stuff happening at work.

Sometimes all you need is there all along, you're just too blind to see or too much of a fool to hang on to it

deng deng deng deng

2010-02-06T23:11:00.002+08:00

Marriage cost a lot. This year 1 of my mentor is getting married, my sister and her boyfriend might be, and a couple of friends are also engaged. Looking at the way they plan their budget for the wedding, I'm not sure I can afford to get married at my preferred age of 25 unless I relocate to some ulu country where the cost of living does not equate to me slaving half of my life just to get a property to call my own, or I can always get married when my insurance matures in like 50 years time.

I mean, a wedding banquet, the staple of many chinese wedding alone cost at least 10k. Then there are all the other necessities like wedding shoots, the gowns and the tux, the apartment, the pre-nup agreements (you got to pay the lawyers), honeymoon, and payments to so and so for providing their 101 services your wedding needs. Without a basic budget of 25-30k, I think it'll be hard for you to even plan a wedding day.

And that's just day 1. For the rest of your life you're stuck with one person who you vow to support and pamper, and she won't come cheap. Not with the way designer bags are all over the place, and where the streets are littered with upscale restaurants. Then maybe she'll stop working and you better pray you earn more than enough to cover all expenses, because enough is not enough.

Not that true love doesn't exist. It just doesn't come cheap.

2010-02-02T23:21:00.003+08:00

Has it ever occurred to you nothing happens by chance.

I don't just happen to have days off
I don't just happen to be free

really.

There's just so many shit going through my head now and nowhere to just release it all out.
I'm wondering when I'll burst and just go crazy.

I miss you

there it is. I said it.

Not that you will give a damn. Or that you should.

teeny mind

2010-02-02T00:13:00.002+08:00

January has come and gone and there's but four months left before I get the hell out of the SAF.

My mind's in a mess now, thinking of all the things I have to do and in which particular order. Sleepless nights are the norm. Apprehension, excitement, fear, doubts, confidence, and all the assorted feelings whirl through my mind every time I lay my head upon the pillow.

I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

I hope you still remember I exist and somethings between us should be worked out ultimately.

Tear my heart open

2010-01-20T00:21:00.002+08:00

Time flies when you do 5 straight mounts.
Hopefully I will be going to Taiwan in April with my sister for her bridal photoshoot.

Why do you choose to hurt, when you already know how much pain it will cause.
Sometimes all you need is a little tact, and understand who truly cares for you.

2010

2010-01-02T02:33:00.002+08:00

Everyone celebrates the day that comes after 31st of December every year.
The only difference between the 31st of December and the 1st of January is 24 hours.

But at the moment in time, we choose to reminisce on what we have done in the past year, and think about what we are going to do in the coming year. That has been a tradition ever since the calendar was invented. We get a sense that we are heading somewhere when we actually measure the time that we have spent on this earth.

Having said that, 2009 was a real sucky year for me.

Lost but not lost, loved but not loved, given but not received. Yeah I could pity myself all day long, but once again I know these shitty experiences has toughened me up. For one thing, STA! (go figure).

I love my nation, I love Singapore, I understand the concept of national defense I really do. But experiences in service has shown me as usual, the human factor in the system has failed, we being mortal man who cannot be perfect. Crappy allowance, bland rations, overworked shifts, poor excuses for the situation, there's only so much that I can tolerate. Be a soldier, I was told, I was psyched, but when I got my brains back, I know the system can be improved.

My relationships have gone on a really wild ride. First there was the lost, then the renewed friendships, the new friendships, then the back to the start phase, then knowing that some people are meant to be there only in certain times of your life, then the realization that friends who ought to be kept at your side were gone because of circumstances of life, or because you are a sorry excuse for a friend, then there was the pining for someone who really tries to understand and not condemn. Yeah, been through it all. There were the saving graces, like my family who were always supportive (really, when it comes down to nothing, it's them you can rely on), and friends who have been there all along.

Did some things and failed to do many. Finally gotten around to learning how to drive but failed my first TP. Came of age but lost someone. Wanted to go for a holiday but only managed a road trip to Malaysia. I GOT MY IPHONE! (but so did a million other Singaporeans) Come to think of it, I need more than this time that I have to think about what I have achieved in 2009 other than being something that resembles a train wreck.

Having said that, 2009 is behind, and the next 363 days will be another period of trials and tribulations, joys and pains, sunshines and thunderstorms, of which I will emerge to write a lengthy post on in the period of the beginning of 2011.

By then I ought to have achieved my driver's license, maybe a motorbike license as well, gone to at least 2 exciting overseas holiday trips, gotten back into a school and doing a degree that I can excel in, earning my own keep with lots of gadgets I can afford. Anything more than that would be fantasy.

Side note: We can't blame our politicians for not coming to an agreement in Copenhagen for a greener earth because we are the suckers that demand they spent millions every New Year to pollute the atmosphere with purposefully packed gunpowder so that we can have a pretty sight to celebrate the New Year, which as I see it, is nothing to celebrate about because it has just begun and we haven't even achieved anything other than to see millions worth of taxpayer's money literally going up in smoke.

Having said that, don't be too hard on yourself. I'm one of those suckers too.

Present headache

2009-12-14T00:15:00.002+08:00

Buying presents is such a chore. First you have to think of the suitability of the present, who you are buying for, then you have to go and get it. After you get it you start to wonder whether it is really suitable and if the person will like it.

Of course if you have no budget constraints it will be much simpler. Who would mind having an all expenses paid holiday or a new car.

The second part of my post is about headache. Too much coffee too late. Beer would be so much better.

Until Morning

2009-12-02T23:12:00.003+08:00

Sleep. Drink. Sleep. Shows. Sleep. Work.

Mindless and endless.

Look forward and think positive
But I can only live 1 day at a time.
That's about all I'm capable of now.
I'm dumb.

Loop a loop

2009-11-28T03:07:00.002+08:00

Funny how life turns out.
I went the great round to see someone I want to see and ended it up seeing probably the 2 people I thought I'd never want to see or speak to again.
They're not enemies. It's just the awkwardness.
There is a term for this, it's life cycle.

test test. bored.

2009-11-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

The right words

2009-11-18T02:11:00.001+08:00

I never know the right words to say to you. Wish I could comfort you everytime someone hurt or disappoint you.

But I never could.

Darn. Words fail when I needed them the most.

How can I

2009-11-15T00:19:00.002+08:00

How can I trust you to be there

When I'm rich
When I'm successful
When I'm in my prime
When I'm at the top
When I'm dressed in my best

it's hypocritical, when you're not

When I'm poor
When I've yet to achieve anything
When I don't feel good
When I'm in the depths
When I'm shabby

It's all about commitment, and it just takes a little faith, hope and love from you my dear.

*just a little pent up feeling.

Dear Agony

2009-11-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

I fear I'm getting dumber as a result of being in the army for too long. I call it the Ang Kia Liang syndrome, named after a certain personality I encounter in my army life. AKLs is characterized by an inability to respond to situations that require immediate attention, working in a trance-like mode, acting like a retard and most importantly, growing fatigue.

I need a long long break. Jonathan Yip suggest we go on a road trip, but that'll have to wait till he ORD in 2011. That's one year before the world is supposed to end isn't it? At least we get a year to enjoy the aftermath of a brain damaging experience. We can cruise around in our wheelchair, bring our hot exotic maids to the far flung lands of the earth, and basically smoke cigars and drink whiskey. That's my idea of a road trip.

Seriously.

Mr TC. Shut you big gap when you have nothing to say but want to make a 'suggestion' so as to remain prominent. We all know you CS powers and your ass-licking is top notch. You are hated for that. But you become despised when you interfere in matters not concerning you. Please use your other talents and abilities which I'm sure are many and much more appropriate. One boss may like it, but let's not generalize too quickly eh. When enough people hate you, you can no longer hide behind that one man no matter how big he is. And you can stop passing comments that shows what a gay ass you are.

Mr BK. Shut your bigger gap and stop emailing everyone about your exploits everyday. I would also appreciate if you kept your comments to yourself. They reek of insincerity and lameness. They disgust me to no end. If you are good, you don't need to self-advertise shamelessly. You strike me as the hopeless sort who will do anything to climb to the top. Yeah, even stepping on the heads of the very people who are your 'friends'. So buzz off and leave me to do my honest work alone. To think that some people actually have good opinion of you. And for goodness sake, it's not like you signed on.

Mr TT. You started out well, but you chao keng and now are condemned in our eyes. Don't go the way of Eric. You will only be inside for only 2 years. Don't make it difficult when we meet outside and I cannot bear to look at you and recognize you as a friend or even someone who went through hardships together with me. Wait, you didn't even do that. Having said that, you're not as hopeless as the first 2. Please wake up your bleddy idea and get a life.

Mr SDL. You do your job you have to be hard, it's perfectly understandable. What's not understandable is that you do not match yourself up to the same standard. When you fall you'll fall hard. But since you work in such an organization, I guess your skill is essential and suitable. They probably don't care as long as you look like you're doing something to earn your 2k plus a month. So all the best cause while you remain inside looking out, harder workers will be throwing their money at you so you can feed your gambling habits and 'support' whoever is unfortunate to marry you.

Finally, I came into NS with a positive mindset, still have some semblance of it left, but realities of the system has settled in. Yeah November, end quickly and painlessly. Sunny June, I'm waiting for you. Whatever shit comes, I'll take it. That's more than what any of the CSers can say for themselves.

2009-11-02T23:31:00.001+08:00

Read through some really old post. Didn't know I was so bad. Maybe that's why you left.

Fruitful

2009-10-25T23:11:00.002+08:00

It's been a good Sunday.

Saw the papers and pen that I haven't seen a long time. Went to see little dogs over at Pasir Ris Farmway. Met up with friends at a 21st Birthday party. Rushed home for steamboat dinner. Sold my 3rd iPod Classic. And now I'm waiting for Man U to perform like they are supposed to but apparently not what they are doing now.

Come on Man U.

But all that aside. It really feels great to be with you. Even for awhile.

The hardest part

2009-10-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

Is always the missing
and knowing that you never needed me like I need you

2.5

2009-10-12T23:26:00.003+08:00

Would have been could have been should have been
but it was not.

There are always consequences to the choices we made in life. How much does it mean to you? Will you fight to get it back or will it be lost forever.

Love and never let go or love then let go. Different people different choices different outcomes different lives.

When it's time to go I'll go.

2009-10-08T22:39:00.001+08:00

Getting very tired of this.

What are you treating me as?

Do I expect too much from you?

Why is it so difficult. I want to give up already. You're not helping at all.

12mn comfort food

2009-10-08T00:31:00.002+08:00

When life is hard, days are dull, I like to take a walk around.

Take a sit at the coffee shop, order an ordinary bowl of fishball noodles and just enjoy the simple things of my existence.

The hand made noodles slick with chilli oil, just slightly cooked in boiling fish broth, the added scallions and pork lard that is fried to perfection, the fishball that has the right texture and chewy taste, with just a slight hint of fresh fish and the oh so delicious bowl of soup to complement it all.

Just a little piece of haven in troubled times.

Riddles

2009-10-06T10:14:00.002+08:00

Why are you ashamed of me?

Anyways, GB has taught me how not to be somebody's boss. Too many 'good' examples.
Future employees of mine will be well-treated. I promise.

Must I be gone

2009-10-04T01:03:00.001+08:00

Before you finally miss me?

Will you even miss me?

Up and coming

2009-10-01T05:01:00.002+08:00

Prawning with DCG
Sushi buffet with section 3
Oktoberfest with DCG new members/section 3
Cable ski with section 3
Kuishinbo dinner
and...

Vienna Choir Boys?

Baybee ai lurf yew, bud id gids harrdar averydey.

Why do I wait?

2009-09-28T00:18:00.001+08:00

Because I'm a fool.

We used to...

2009-09-25T22:43:00.004+08:00

we make,
we take.
we fight,
we break.
we loved,
we lost.
we hate,
we like.
we have,
we had.
we are,
we were.
we choose,
we loose.

for everyones sake, I know why you can't forget your past. I understand it too well, because I cannot forget you too

When things go bad, keep walking. I've just got 7 extra. Suck thumb and do. You probably won't see me around much next month, but I'm here. Like a big brother, I keep watch, over the people I care about. All the time.

I'm an old wizen tree. Too hard to chop, too wrinkled to break. Try to snap me and you get blunt. Try again, and you'll not walk away. Every tree has its day. Don't forget, when you're dead, you'll most probably go into a coffin.

Remember how your year always seem to start out well, and at the end of it, you're wondering what went wrong and where? Too bad. No matter how hard this year is, I will survive and I will thrive, because that's the way I am and you're not going to break me. Yes, you the pressures of this world.

Might be a fact it all didn't work out for a long time. Might be a fact I'm not where I want to be. Might be a fact many above are not exactly people of character. Might be a fact problems never die, they just multiply like the heads of a hydra. Might be a fact that I felt like I've been crushed and stabbed like never before. Might be a fact that I hate this crap. Might be a fact that I really want to give up a lot of times.

But the truth is,
I'm still here.

So you...
beat me down if you can.
I laugh in your face.

Never Say Never

2009-09-24T19:23:00.003+08:00

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Picture you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
Steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time, time and time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

So tired of that friggin place.

Blackie the storm is coming

2009-09-06T07:28:00.000+08:00

My friends don't understand why I'm doing it. I'm lost at times too. But i'll keep waiting.

I've been thinking about getting a blackberry just to try it out. Heard so many wonderful stuff about it. I'm still satisfied with my iPhone other than the fact that disk space is rather precious. Starhub is having a tempting promo for storm. At just 198 - 100 for new sign up with power value 100 and blackberry data service. The cost per month is roughly 40 and it offers more than my iflexi value which cost 56.

Sigh, the things we do for our iPhones. Did I mention that if I continued on with my Ione plan, I could just sign up for bbom which gives me 30gig of data plan and cost the same as iflexi value which only gives me 1gb. now that I've wised up, I just need to wait until next year before I change my plan again.

On the quest for audio Nirvana

2009-08-31T21:24:00.000+08:00

I'm taking small steps toward my audiophile fantasies.

Over the past 2 months I've researched and bought various items so that music can sound good.

Headphones, IEMs, Amplifier, Player.
After further research I probably have to get decent speakers and more hardcore hardware, but that will take time and lots of money.

Might learn how to DIY mod. The Internet is such a great way to learn.
But in the end I'll probably still be a amateur.

Well, I just need something to occupy my time besides driving. Oh yeah, my TP is on the 18th of Dec. Wish me the best.

I don't want to hide

2009-08-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

I don't have to feel good about it. I don't like to discuss it. I don't want to hide it.

We talk and we talk but have you really guess what I've felt.

To others I can be an open book
to you I've just got to remain closed for now

There's no need for blames and such. Ultimately it's still me who choose this path.

I want you so much.
But you're so far and I don't know your intentions.

Can I really be patient and let it abide?

So many questions I don't have an answer for.
My weakness will cause me to fall.

I wouldn't wanna think about that.

2009-08-18T00:26:00.002+08:00

To you.

Thanks for your concern and your opinions. Your courage to speak never fails to amaze me. Thanks for being a friend I can talk to, even though it may not be positive all the time. You make me realize that I still can be open to people.

To you

I know you are going through a stressful time, you're enjoying and you're not. You have so many things you gotta juggle in your hands, and sometimes you feel as if you cannot make it anymore. I want to be with you, not just as a friend, but a soulmate. It's not easy but I am willing to be there to shoulder your burdens, if you will allow it. Its hard to commit because we never know what the future will bring. I have the problem too, that's why we have a little thing call faith, and a great God who works with us. I know I've tried to find excuses to give up, think up of many ways, but deep down inside I still ache for you. That's why I wait.

Maybe if I can really show you how much I still love you, you will experience it again.

So yeah, I'll be the fool if I have to. I got nothing to lose.

Too much of too little

2009-08-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

Why do I have to keep going when I really can't take it anymore?
Why do I have to have my patience tested over and over?
Why do I have to be the one who takes on responsibility when no one else wants it?
Why do I have to stay true to the course when the rest has fallen away?
Why must I be the one who ultimately have to rally everyone?
Why must I always be the one who have to cry and shout and get everything done?
Why must I be faithful when my heart is burdened with lies?
Why must I be strong for them?

I need someone

who understands
who is there
who goes through the same things

I need a soulmate

who I can relate to
who I can communicate with
who I can express myself to

I need a kindred spirit

who is not there for his/her own gains
who does not make a demand on me I don't make myself
who is able to endure my trying character

The last time I had one was years ago. We went through all the joy and pain, the seperation and hardship, the long and endless journey. It was good, but all friends come with the seasons. I'm waiting for the new ones to come along, people whom God has place into my life, people whom I can be who I really am.

The walk

2009-08-08T21:49:00.003+08:00

You probably think nothing of it. But everything cost something.

It's been awhile. The pain has numbed to a throb somewhere deep within. There has been too many happenings that occupied my mind for the past months. But I never stop thinking about what it still means. Life has gotten a little harder to live.

I wonder if I can ever meet up to your expectations. I guess probably not because we both have different ideas of what it should be.
How many man are born to be great? How many make it? For every one of them how many will be mediocre?

I'm still trying. To live my best to be my best. It's never going to be easy but I know I can still make it even with all the setbacks.

So tell me what are you looking for now? Perhaps I still can help you with what I can.

It may be that without me your life will be so much better. With the bright future that you are striving so hard for. A future that I'm not a part of.

2 is still better than 1. If you manage to find yourself in an equation that suits you to a T, let nothing hold you back.

If I could walk with one for the rest of my life, it would be you.
That's why it pains me to say if it's better for you please go. I will learn to let go.

And thus the short walk we had ended. I'm back in my own world, I'm going home.

1 more time

2009-07-27T00:29:00.002+08:00

Lets face it.

I'm not rich, hot headed at times, rash and impulsive, gets jealous easily, speaks harshly, sometimes stubborn sometimes lazy, not exactly patient, possess little humility, and I'm not the kind of person who makes a good friend.

I've dreams of going to U, start a business, live a comfortable life with a wife who adores me. Make my millions, live in a custom build house, drive nice cars, travel around the world, die happily, fulfilled and contented.

But what would I achieve at the end of it if it's not my destiny.

There must be a reason for the existence of the desire You've put into my heart. I know I've tried many times and failed. It's terribly embarrassing but to give it up would have been worse. There are times when I wonder why bother, but the conclusion has always been that it's because of you I have a life to live.

You're the only one who truly accepts me for who I am. Changing me in subtle ways, never too pushy or hard. You make me realize my mistakes and learn from
them, not shove them in my face and condemn me.
You do not expect perfection because You know I'm still on my way there. You trusted ne when I couldn't trust myself. You were there whether I knew it or not. I known I've let You down countless times when I insist on going my way, yet you kept being there for me.

I know I can never run away from You.

You're my destiny.

My shoulders hurt

2009-07-19T04:06:00.004+08:00

It's been awhile since section 3 had such a wild time. A pity not all of us were there at the same time. After so much vodka my shoulders hurt but it was fun while it lasted.

Watched the latest Harry Potter film just last night at downtown east. Someday a movie marathon of the entire series is needed so that the continuation is there.

Why does all the ia cause me so much heartaches?

And I just realize a lot of people close to me has their surname starting with Goh.

So random.

Homey

2009-07-15T22:14:00.003+08:00

I'm not exactly a homey person but I find myself at home most of the time for the past few days. It's so boring.

It's back to mounting life after this break. Another 11 months to go before I say goodbye to GB. Time flies. 5 years ago at this time I was still preparing for my O levels and the things I intend to do afterwards.

Been thinking of old songs and dug out this one from Westlife. The lyrics are still one of the most meaningful ones I've read over the years.

Flying Without Wings by Westlife

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know
Which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine

And it's like flying without wings
'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

Heart of holes

2009-07-14T23:39:00.002+08:00

I took leave to spent today doing nothing substantial. Oh well.

I've finally got my White iPhone and it totally rocks. The apps are so cool it makes me salivalate. And whoever says that the keypad is hard to use? It's so intuitive that it doesn't make a difference whether you are a first time user or not. Serving the net is a breeze without all the long lags you would otherwise experience in a windows mobile IE. Plus the cool factor of staying connected on the go. It is definitely worth every dollar I paid for it.

I feel like I'm being put through a test of patience
expecting things that are not going to happen in a short span of time
sometimes I feel frustrated and it's not like I deserve it
all I wanted was someone to love someone who cares
my heart is on the verge of stopping
and my mind refuses to think logically anymore
are you still there? Can you hear me or read my soul?
What do I have to do?
All my pleas have fallen on deaf ears
I should have listened to what a wise one once said
it's not easy to go through the same thing everyday

He says that love is patience, it is long suffering
I'm not known to be particularly patient or long suffering
but for you I'll hang on till my last breath or the day you break my heart irrevocably.
Words can't tell you how much I love you still
it can't tell how much I will do for you.

What's left now are the holes in my heart I try to fill with insignificant things.
Like spending my time roaming around, eating the same things and the different things
indulging in some pointless activity and trying to revisit places
so much to the point that it's pointless to think of what will be.

Relationship is a bittersweet experience
as sweet as honey
as bitter as ash

I wish it were somehow different

2009-06-28T23:51:00.002+08:00

Looking into the mirror recently, I frowned at the image that I present to myself. My chin appears to have become rounder, and my face paler. It's not very hard to guess what happened. I must have been gorging myself on all the fabulous food in Mindef canteen and not working out enough. Time to put a stop to that.

The hard part is to always not eat too much. I gain weight too easily and my schedule hardly allows me time to train. Not to mention that there has been an increase in activity at work that will eat away my remaining free time.

All these while I have been wanting to visit the dentist but have not yet made the appointment. It's been awhile since I last saw one and I foresee that the next one I see is going to grind my teeth to bits just to make it stronger. There seem to be an outburst of ulcers in my mouth, on my tongue as well as around my teeth. It hurts when I eat so don't be surprised when you see me eating funny.

Anyways, I am looking forward to running and swimming, together with going to the gym that will culminate in my second window IPPT, which hopefully I will retain my silver and maybe even better the record. Coming into NS has made me realize how important fitness is.

Transformers the second movie was awesome. Went to watch it with the cell group. The only flaw with action movies that I can see is all the actions happened too quickly. I guess the best thing to do would be to buy the DVD and watch it in slow-mo. Not the whole movie of course! It make me itch to buy transformers collectible and follow the series, but I think it will end up collecting dust in a obscure corner (like my magic cards).

Books galore at Expo yesterday. 5 paperbacks at only 20 bucks. It makes me spin. I will never buy a book at a bookstore again. All I ever have to do was to go to Expo quarterly for cheap and new books.

Things coming up for me: CG Chalet, followed by ORD/00 treat(chalet as well), getting a new phone(still thinking). All these in 6 days of break in July. I sincerely hope the swine that flu will die so I can have a better life.

Sometimes I wish it were somehow different. There would be someone to watch an action film, a horror film, walk with me down the beach, eat durians, cycle along, travel around, chat about endless stuff, share my passions, encourage me, motivate me, fight for me.

All these would be good but whatever you have is still fine.

Home

2009-06-09T21:06:00.002+08:00

I remembered the orange glow of the fuzzy light
the silent walk to the bus stop
endless thoughts running through my head
I'm trying, trying to recall what you said

Night has fallen, it's already late
I wander the streets searching and looking
something that has been missing all these while
and the cold wind blows as sheets of rain fall

I pedaled and I pedaled, harder and harder
cause it's you that makes me wanna
even when the smell of the air changes
you remind me of a home I can only foresee

All these time I was lost
like a man without a home
a home to call my own
and this is the desire that drives me

so come back to me
come back home
it's a place that I see
and it can come true

I slipped and I tumbled
I knew I could never say never
darling is it so hard
for you to stop the wonder

so come back to me
don't ever say never

Ms

2009-06-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

2 more days 1 more night. When I wake up.

Green Green

2009-05-31T21:23:00.004+08:00

Up the steps I went
into the medium of my journey
sat upon the seats
where I first thought of you

As the motions comes
the greens flashes by
what passes quickly but time
it has become all blurred

Footsteps behind me
spun around and saw no one
Heart pounding I search
because I thought I saw you

My mind is racing
Can't believed I've stood so long
I feel the need to move
but my feet's stuck it won't budge

I wanna lift up my hands
leave and never look back
but I'm stopped
because of the words you spoke

You laughed and you cried
You wined and you dined
and I hear it all
and I see it all

I'm chilled to the core
the partner with you
it's all about letting go
but I'm still doubtful

Is it true when you're longing
The feeling is so strong
you can't help but wait and wait
no matter how tiresome or depressing

My life is empty
I need to fill it
but it's impossible
without you

Don't you see it now?

because

J0tujmm0mpwf0zpv

My boring sunday

2009-05-24T21:59:00.002+08:00

Started with L4D at midnight with Kel and Ben. I got a headache from playing but it was worth it. Knocked out till 12 and then went for lunch with mum and sis. And back to L4D after that with cg members. Traveled to Orchard MRT to sell off my noble heirarch and back to Yishun for a hair cut and takeaway dinner at home.

That kind of sucks.

Good man. Bad man. Not a man.

Why do people love the bad guy so much? He embraces things that we know are wrong, doesn't care about what other people thinks while he is at that. He cares not whether you live or die, doesn't live for anything but himself. Yet he is worshiped by others who have no guts to take the path that he did. They throw themselves at his feet wanting to learn all that he has to offer. Are we so perverse in our souls that we know not what we are doing?

All this while the good man was doing what he was supposed to. He may not be perfect but he tries his best to put food on the table, help the needy and the wounded. He takes time off from work to serve others. He believes in the good things of this life and the need to work hard for it. He does not take the short cuts in life or at least he tries his best not to. Yet he is abused for being too nice, misused because he is meek. Others think that he is weak but he takes it in his stride, believing that people have a good heart underneath it all. He strives to be the best that he can be to those around him and he makes a stand for all that he believes in.

Then there are those who are not a man. They hide behind any cover they can find, dish out dirt on others when they feel safe, kick the weak when they are down, enjoy being over those who are lower. They prefer not having any code to live by, instead relying on what is best at that moment in time. They are sometimes despised yet sometimes admired. Looked upon in wonder by those who regard them as cunning, wily, smart, or even intelligent.

I say what the world needs now is the good man, man who are able to control themselves emotionally, mentally, physically. Man who can take up the challenge and rise to expectations. When the world is in shambles, these are the people who will save it.

og ouy elt ot: ageenlhcl estgarte ym
abkc eb wtno uoy atht: earf agettser ym
penahp ot ahd isht atht: aipn gtesetar ym
cbak eb liwl ouy: peho retestag ym

until then

giaan veol ni allf lil' nhwe aht'st eorv st'i wneh

all the best.

Forget it

2009-05-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

All that I have now are Music and Lyrics.

Now that the time of sowing is over...

2009-05-18T23:37:00.001+08:00

I need
a wallet
a watch
a pair of shoes
a bag
a phone
a holiday
clothes

Shopping season!

Your Call

2009-05-18T14:26:00.000+08:00

Reflecting pool

2009-05-13T23:41:00.004+08:00

It was night and the moon was at its zenith. I took a stroll along the mirror of water and gaze at the reflection of the moon.

I believed I was here before a long time ago. A profound sense of loss, and security that was no longer there. I have to live each day with my heart in my mouth, feeling useless and unable to do anything.

I can say I hate my life but what would it have meant to the people who nurtured me through all these years. I would have let them down. Yet my heart is heavy and I cannot speak, once again because somethings just can't be said.

If God above is still looking down on me, will you please grant me happiness in my days. That at night my heart can rest its burden, and my eyes no longer tear. Let me forget all those things in the past, for they weigh too heavily for me to walk.

I feel like all hope is lost when I lost you. But my tired body drags me on each day. A relentless heart a relentless mind, to carry my soul through it all. What have I become, the question as each dawn approaches.

My youth is fading, never to return. I feel sick within, but must be strong without.
Read my emotions if you can, know me if you will, cause all I'm longing for now is someone who will reach into the deepest part of me.

The answer I'm searching for, is still as elusive as ever.

Help me God, help me.

* I found out what an ass I was today. I'm a selfish, jealous moron. I need to forget it all.

21

2009-04-08T09:55:00.002+08:00

So, I'm 21.
It means that I am legally an adult now and everything I do has a consequences under the eye of law.
I get to vote, participate in various activities that I could not have done before, and am 'responsible' for my life now.

Why do we celebrate birthdays?
For having completed a year of hardships and trials and having survived it?

I'm tired of celebrations. All the fun and happiness, the planning that goes before that, is it really worth it?

When I reflect on what I have done in the past year, all I could remember were the nasty things that I had to go through, the emotions that swirled in my mind, the heartaches I have to overcome so that I could live another day.

It was not an easy time, my dreams were dashed, my visions crumbled, my heart broken, and my life seems to be drifting along with the current.

The one thing that I can tell from this experience is that I have grown to be more hardy, expecting less of others, and through the callousness form in my heart, less affected by other people.

Maybe that's one thing I ought to celebrate.

2009-04-02T21:05:00.003+08:00

*This is a work of fiction; any incidences, persons or events are purely a figment of the author's imagination*

I work in the kingdom of Singhar. Everyday I wake up early in the morning, travel on a wagon drawn by horses to my barracks located on the bottom of Mount GB. There I report to my various supervisors who then put me to work guarding the various posts that important people pass through. Since it was the most important base in all the land, the security there is of the highest standards.

Everyday thousands of humans, magicians, beast, and weird creatures come through the gates of Mount GB, which is protected all year round by elite guards drawn from loyal soldiers of the Marshals division. These people go about their daily business, without a care for the guards who have to ensure the security of the camp is not compromised, as well as to provide assistance to the people they were charged to serve.

Every dawn is a new challenge for the Marshals of Mt GB. Not so the physical aspects of guarding a base all the time, but the mentally draining task of having to deal with others who have come to disregard and degrade them as nothing more than just servants to the cause, whatever that might be.

As a guard myself I have had to deal with unreasonable ogres who simply would not give the password when challenged. One particular ogre has a boarish face that would scare the sternest soldier, but not me, as I was rather pissed that he ignored me and continue sitting on his shaggy mare staring straight ahead. The mare was laboring under the heavy weight of the ogre, who I estimate to be the weight of 2 rocks quarried from the interior of Singhar.

Undeterred by his boorish attitude, I once again demanded the password and he finally gave it to me grudgingly. Once allowed through, he disappeared into the depths of the base, no doubt to do whatever an ogre's calling is. Why did I not do more, you asked. If it were up to me the ogre would have been staked through and put up along the road to Mt GB as a warning to others who show contempt to the men of my division. Alas, I'm but a small conscript without the power nor the ability to do so.

The One

2009-03-29T02:20:00.002+08:00

As I walk with you tonight
I knew in my heart you are the one
As I look into your face
I see the future in your eyes

There are many things to work out between us
but I know I will keep trying no matter what

As I listen to your voice
I told myself I will be still and cherish it
As I held onto your hands
I savor every moment thus

Time passed so quickly and we're moving onto new things
but I know in my heart I have grown to love you more.

Your imperfections and your flaws matches mine
and there's only so much we can disagree
If I could have a life with someone
it can only be with you

I still love you and will continue to.
I hope in my heart I will be able to say it
at the end of my days.

Everybody needs something

2009-03-12T21:29:00.002+08:00

Everybody lives life for the adventure or adventures they will inevitably have to go through in their time here. For some, it is to go out in a blaze of glory, dying for something greater than themselves, for another it could be a wish to travel around the world fulfilled, and for yet another, to live a peaceful life by the sea. Everyone of us has a desire to do something great before we are gone. That is the undying energy that drives a human to perform beyond what they think themselves capable of.

What's it in this world for me?

Oh well.

I.T. fair is on...... so many things......

España

2009-03-03T20:10:00.003+08:00

I was walking along one day when I had the random thought of where I will go if I have the chance after my ORD. The first country that comes to my mind is Spain. It sounds exciting, and thus I have step out on step 1 of my plan of going there. I hope this dream last.

Step 1: Learn about Spain, and it's language
*My interest in Spain comes from my basic Spanish lesson in Polytechnic. Time to revise.

Step 2: Make a plan of where to visit

Step 3: Make arrangements for travel and accommodations

Step 4: Go!

Simple and logical. I will go! But that will be in 1 year and 4 months time.

Is it worth it?

2009-02-25T21:34:00.001+08:00

I don't have a lot of things in this world.

I always think that if you really want something you have to fight for it, and you will get it.

My thinking's changing.

Is it still worth it?

You tell me....

The amateur's take on beer

2009-02-17T22:46:00.003+08:00

* Disclaimer.
The author does not encourage underage drinking nor getting drunk in general. The opinion of the author belongs to him alone and he does not intent to force it upon anyone. If you are drinking, drink to your limits, be responsible for yourself and others around you.

My love affair with beer started when I watched Homer downing duff beer one after another in the Simpsons. I even have a shirt of the 4 course meal of duff beer bought for my Chinese New Year shopping.

Beer is simple, it is cheap and readily available anywhere. Unlike other alcoholic beverages, it does not need any serious thought to be drunk. My buddies and I can gather around a table with a bucket of beer and have the time of our lives, so I thoroughly enjoy drinking beer. It mixes well with any kind of food, and there's so many brands in the market to try.

I have tasted other kind of spirits, but it's just not the same. For example, I just drank bourbon from Maker's Mark, and I really had to find a proper way to drink it to get the best flavor out of it. It is an enjoyable experience but lacks simplicity.

I have tried in order of succession, Hoegarden, Tiger, Carlsberg, Heineken, Corona, Stella Artois, Guiness Stout, Erdinger(black), and some others. Amongst those, Corona, Heineken, Erdinger are my favorites. Every time I drink I discover a better beer.

Now, my girlfriend and sister do not approve of me drinking beer because it's supposedly harmful, but I'm not stopping because I have found that it's a hobby of mine to find out and taste as many beer as possible in my lifetime. One thing I can promise is that I won't overdo it.

On Friday we are going to Timbre to celebrate Joshua Goh and Jon's birthday, and once again beer will feature on the menu. Those golden lagers are going to entice me for the remainder of the week.

It is my dream to one day write a comprehensive review of every beer that I have drunk on this blog.

Anybody wants to go Oktoberfest? It's bier and krauts. Woohoo! Slurp slurp.

What's love?

2009-02-13T23:07:00.002+08:00

I use to built fortresses out of pillows, bolsters and mattresses when I was young, hoping to stay out of the storm and protect myself.

I use to ride my bicycle alone in the middle of the night to get away from all the problems that I have. I love the wind against my face when I peddle.

I use to visit the beach at night because it is really peaceful and nice place to be alone.

I use to stare at the stars and talk to God.

I use to stay up and talk to people on MSN because it was a good way to interact with them.

I love the salty tang of the sea breeze because it makes me feel like I'm at one with the world.

I love the rain falling down on me because it refreshes me and leaves me feeling that I have not a care in the world.

I love the smell of freshly mowed grass because it tells me that a new beginning has come.

I love to play my guitar as it takes my mind off the awful tunes of the world and into the wonderful world of music.

I love to be alone with my thoughts of the future, what it will be like.

I love hanging out with my friends and just talking about life with them, no debates, no arguments, just good old ribbin.

I love to eat good food with a bunch of mates, it's a form of bonding.

I will love people who can't love me back.

I will love people who can love me as much as I love them.

My tank's empty, but it can be filled again.

7 days of wonder

2009-02-03T21:10:00.002+08:00

3 Feb: Dismount
4-6 Feb: Leave
7-8 Feb: Paper Leave
9 Feb: Leave

It's a wonderful 7 days of not seeing Gombak until the 10th, whereby I have to go back and mount a siong mount due to the lack of manpower. Will be going to Genting with family from the 6th to 8th Feb. It's been a long time since anyone of us could actually take time off and go on a vacation together, so I'm quite happy.

The past few days were fun, the entire section plus some other people went to the Gallery Hotel (it's good), for a whole night of fun. Classic things happened. I never drank so much before in my life, but I did stop them from getting me drunk.

The next day I met up with my polytechnic buddies and reminisce about the old days and also our new lives in the army. Thereafter 5 of us went to Katong Mall to play Left4Dead, a new and interesting zombie game. We end up going home only at 2am in the morning. Carl was nice to drive me home.

I need to get a haircut, and soon.

2009

2009-01-28T21:50:00.002+08:00

I've passed my 7th month mark as a soldier in the SAF. Time really flies.
Friends of my age has already ORD, as they are from the JC batch. People ask me what my plans are when I get out of NS, am I going to get a job? or am I going to continue studying. It's something that I will ponder on this year.

Educated retards. People who have paper qualifications but no emotion quotient. How is it that you can be highly educated but not proficient in human feelings? I think we ought to implement courses that deals with inter-personal relationships at the higher-learning level.

I like watching Jack Neo shows for the uniquely Singapore entertainment, especially during Chinese New Year. However the recent shows that has come out seems to go more and more out of the topic. The first hour of love matters was understandable, quite alright, thereafter, the fadeaways grow to a point that it gives me a headache and drew irritated tsk from the audience around me. I think it's time for him to go back his roots and bring us movies that we will understand.

The Wedding Game is light-hearted and funny. The couple really managed to put their best into the show. It is certainly recommended for people who are into romantic comedies.

I don't know why I'm blabbing about all this, but I haven't blog for a long time, so....

Happy Chinese New Year to all.

Go on, stuff yourself full of Ba Kwas, Pineapple tarts, Moochi, and the likes, you deserve it.

P.S. I'm looking forward to my 1 week of off where I will be going Genting with my family. We're driving up. Woooh

NEW YEAR

2009-01-01T22:58:00.003+08:00

I spent last evening with Sophia before joining my family for the countdown at Marina Bay. The place where we parked has trees that partly obscured the view of the fireworks. Thereafter we went to Ah Cheng's Dessert at Bugis for some supper. That was the extent of my celebration this year.

Last year was a year of ups and downs, highs and lows. I got into SOT, I got out of SOT, I experienced heart breaks, I experienced joys, I got into NS, I haven't gotten out yet. I went on to become an MP, I went from MP Command to Gombak Base. Guess which are the ups and the downs. And for the next few subsequent pubic holidays this year, I will be on duty, which is .....

My favorite day of the year, Christmas, felt like nothing due to the missing festivity as I was working. That's such a waste. I have always like Christmas. It's a time to share your love with your family.

One very important thing I learned and experienced last year was that my family loves me. I have always felt that my family was dysfunctional, and look outwards for affection. However, after I got into NS, I started to see that they are the ones who truly cares about me. Little things that they do to make my life better and easier. Like waking up early to ensure that I have breakfast, sending me to camp so I will not be late. They make time for me when I'm out and bring me for meals.

Yeah, my family is very important to me.

Bat girl and her family.

2008-12-17T19:48:00.002+08:00

I'm constantly living in darkness nowadays as my sister went for Lasik and can't see anything bright. So I kinda feel like batman in his cave, except that I don't have the cool suit and gadgets. She somehow watches TV by listening to the dialouge. That's a real hardcore TV addict.

Every year I have a what I want for Christmas Wishlist, but somehow nothing on it materializes. So this year, I shall have a what I want to get after Christmas Wishlist for myself. Yep, it's up to me now.

1. Quality Holiday at a beach resort.
2. A brand new guitar.
3. Ipod Touch/ Iphone.
4. A new laptop so I can finally game.
5. PSP 3000
6. Bike.
7. Console???

Hah, that's so materialistic. But I can always hope can't I?

GGggGGgg

2008-12-01T22:02:00.002+08:00

I've been posted to where I did not want to go. Indeed, the extras there will flow like water if you commit any mistakes. However it will only serve to keep us together as a professional force throughout our time there. I hope I still feel this way if I kena any. The place is nice, just a 35 minutes trip from Yishun, and I get to book out everyday except for when I'm on duty. So far it's tolerable except for a few sadistic people. Well, we all got to adapt to something we don't like but absolutely have to do.

Dec 1.
Mum's Birthday. She still looks so young. Haha. I hope I inherit her genes when I reach her age. She is one of the cornerstones of my life. There are many characteristics that I have to get from her. I love my mum.

I didn't know....

2008-11-22T01:55:00.000+08:00

When they say they are the best in drills, they really are. I end up with a sore body and a tired mind.

I see Lele at the foot of my bed enjoying his rest at my expense and I can't help but kick him off. Kiddin. I wouldn't do that.

Every minute with you is precious because I do not know when will you need to get off, or when do I have to leave. Given a choice, I would have let go of everything for you. A simple word means a thousand days of relief and joy. Yet a single word can also turn my life upside down. Sometimes I walk in silence and know not what to say. Other times I speak like an insolent little brat. It's hard to behave infront of you, if you have yet to notice. And it's only because I'm so fond of you. Can't you just decide and commit? My heart's on the edge too often. I'm paranoid with the slightest breeze. Shadows wake me up in the middle of the night and I grasp at nothing to hold firm to you. You drift like a feather in the wind. Towards and away, towards and away. No one can predict your course, just like the wildness within you. Yet that is what makes you unique.

I can't live without music.
You're like the lyrics in my song, wrapped in the melody of my youth.
And all my life I hope and hope, that you'll be my only tune.

I can't live without books.
You're the cover of my soul, that which keeps me clean and whole.
And when you turn me over you will see, that you and I can always be.

I can't live without you.
More than the air I breathe, the books I read and the music in my ears.
And if the time of fun comes to an end, I hope above all I still have you.

;sent me to the place I know when I first found you.

Friend.

2008-11-15T02:17:00.000+08:00

I met an old friend last night. It was the chanced encounter that everyone would have experienced at least once in their lives. She was my classmate from secondary school and we were rather close in the friends-only way that defy what many have come to think of such relationships. We encountered problems and share it with each other, have some similarities in our background, and even share the same birthday. Time passed so quickly upon our graduation that we haven't seen each other for years. Well we didn't have time to reminise, but we did chat for a few minutes. It gives you the warm fuzzy feeling deep down when you see someone you care about going on with their life, making plans for the future, and just basically enjoying what life brings.

I shared many friendships with the people that God has brought into my life. Some of them were long and strong relationship, some of them deep and intense yet short, some of them warm and basically happy times. I have successes and failures in each and everyone of them, but without a shadow of a doubt, my friends have taught me many important life lessons. Wasinee taught me to tolerate, Brian taught me the value of trust, Siva taught me how to persevere, Jia Yong taught me the value of dilligence, Lydia taught me patience, Mao Shen showed me forgiveness, Andrew fun, Jin Long playfulness, Andy coolness, Raj showed me how to own, Don opened my heart, Carl kindness and gentleness, Ivan care and concern, Ben the value of smartness, Jo holiness, Meiyi discipleship, Nixi the disciple, and many others too numerous to state. I have love and hate each of them for who they are and what they represent but I cannot deny them because they are my friends.

There is value in friendship, and more in a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Life will have never been this good and memorable without them by my side, yet many of them are no longer there. It must be that i make such a lousy friend that I drove them away and for these I alone shall pay for the consequences.

Listen up friends, I have never said how much I love you or show how much I care, but as long as you are my friend, I will never consider twice giving my life for you if it comes to that. Yes I will do that and not regret.

*why are you still single? But I will wait, it's the only thing I can do ain't it?

Rainy day. sigh

2008-11-12T19:30:00.002+08:00

I'm home courtesy of a nights out from Staff Terry. It was a horrid time coming back home and I'm drench like a wet chicken.

I'm still praying that I will be posted somewhere nice and good.

There are so many games coming out on so many different platforms. I have never considered myself much of a gamer, but looking at the game reviews make me drool over them.

I wish.......

P Twenty Two Six

2008-11-07T20:49:00.002+08:00

It's been an eventful week in MPTS. There was MPE test on Tuesday and range on Friday with all the preparations in between. In between there were the visits to the mess, foosballing with one another, pool, ping pong. We even celebrated Chong's birthday.

And I finally got to fire a pistol. The Sig Sauer P226. Once in a lifetime and I was so thrilled.

In another 2 weeks and 2 days, my trainee days will be over, and I will be really sorry when it happens. After that, how my NS life turns out will be dependent on where I get posted to.

Throughout the peer appraisal, I got to know people better. Those who try to get you to put them higher on the list by suddenly cosying up to you, or downright requesting so that they can get the platoon/company best, are a turn off. I'm a peace maker, despite what you like to think of me. So I decided not to get into the fray. So what if you are the best but only when you have to show it, and behind others back, you are nothing like what you are in front.

I'm riding a wave of emotions right now. It's hard to live everyday, but I'm a fighter and I will keep fighting. I'm tired of allowing others to take advantage of me anymore. I've been patient for too long, letting others drive their knives deeper and deeper into me. They have done things behind my back and have been forgiven over and over. They have not felt the things that I have. They will never know.

Dark and gloomy thoughts prevents me from having restful nights. I'm so tired.

make or break

2008-11-01T23:20:00.002+08:00

listen to your heart. what is it telling you?

I never thought I would feel this way again. The bitter taste haunting me yet again. Haven't I already gotten rid of it? Or so I thought, yet here it is, definitely on the bud of my tongue. While others enjoy the sweet joy of finding their one, I'm left here wondering what just happened? Could it be me after all, too weak to let you slip, too proud to let you know.

Everything I felt I have written down in the annals of our love. If only you had been more mindful of its existence, the very one you help to create. For fear had bound my tongue, lest I let it slip. But the more I try to hide, the more I give away.

I do not want to do anything with regards to a partition of feelings.I think I have stab myself once too often, that I no longer know sorrow publicly. The gnash still deep in my heart I have set out for L. L being the thing I desired from the ones I know.

It use to be in the past when I lay in my bed and listen to the music of my heart and youth, I would wonder openly what in the world L meant. I thought I knew, to give one's heart and soul to another. But as I grew I began to learn more. I do not just want to give, I want to receive as well. And so I gave and gave, hoping to at least get some back. At first it appears to be working, and then I was dealt the crushing blow. I was not wanted. I was not going to receive any. So I cut out all the feelings related and hope for the best. Subsequently I not only made a mistake, but continued doing so.

That very day I met you, my heart floundered. I though, my, what a lovely soul. One who is intelligent and soulful. I thought I could open up again, though I could give just as I will receive. Alas, it was not to be, and I end up having to nurse the broken and ill member of my body, without the knowledge of what to do next, so sure had I been before, but now lost in the abundant ocean of brokeness. I ended up where I begin, listening to the music that comes through to my heart, and I wonder what Love mean.

Maybe one day I will get it.

Light

2008-10-31T18:18:00.003+08:00

Companionship is like a flame on a candle
The more you try to grasp hold of it with you fingers,
the more it flickers out of them.
It is not stable nor is it strong.
And if you insist on gasping it,
it dies on you.

I like books. They may be opened or closed, and it really is difficult to form judgment based on just the cover or the first few paragraphs. You have to really spent time and effort to read and understand in order to properly come up with your point of view regarding the story it tells. Books do not lie, they tell the truth as it is. Everything is written out in black and white and is self-explanatory most of the time. They may not be simple, and you may have to work the words out to find out the meaning behind certain inconspicuous sentence, but it provides greater fun than things that has no meaning or simply refuses to be meaningful. Books are lonely things, they sit in a cabinet with all other books waiting for someone to come along and pick them up. They know themselves so well, but their real desire is to be known by others, but as it is, hampered by their lack of communicative tools, they are consigned to just be read.

I feel like a book.

it's been awhile...

2008-08-23T16:58:00.003+08:00

Been busy serving the nation therefore I'm not as free as before to blog. Hah. That's just an excuse.

I'm not suppose to blog much about NS so I will keep it short. I'm adapting well to the regimented life of a soldier in the army. Some of the recent highlights includes passing the compass test and getting to be interviewed soon. SOC timing of 5:23 also greatly encouraged me.

They say when people go into the army, they tend to talk about the army even when they are out, and they are right. Why not? When we spent 6 out of 7 of our days in camp.

that's all for now, hope to update more often after my pop on the 9th of September.

Many things to thank God for

2008-05-29T23:50:00.002+08:00

I have the ablest, smartest, most diligent, most faithful, caring and loving mother in the world. She waits for me late in the night to come home, makes breakfast for me in the morning, bail me out when I have no cash, works hard to bring in the dough, and over the years built up a fund that will last me through any further education that I may want to take or business that I want to start. I need to honor her faith and commitment to me.

My SOT withdrawal is settled, and I'm more or less prepared to go into NS. Working at MOM has also been a great experience, met great friends, shined in the marketplace, and release the glory of God through my work. Going to KL this weekend, going to enjoy myself and take a break from all the stress. Great friends have began to come back into my life, and I'm more connected to the people around me.

Through it all, I have been so blessed, yet at times, I felt down and out. God is indeed faithful when we are not. He has made it all come to past because He is a good God.

I wana I wana

2008-05-14T01:06:00.001+08:00

BLEACH MY HAIR WHITE. BUT SHE WON'T TALK TO ME IF I DO.

GO GENTING AND KL!

SEE MAN U WIN CHAMPS LEAGUE!

If I die...

2008-05-02T00:03:00.003+08:00

don't cry like I'm not going to live again.
play songs that awaken the hearts of the people.
my funeral should not be sombre
it should be a time of heart warming tales of my life.
share all that you know about me, the good and the bad.
and let the joy of the fellowship fill you all.

haha

My next life

2008-04-30T23:03:00.001+08:00

it finally came, but I feel so much faith going in. No disappointments, no anger, just plain good feeling. Wooh.

the fallen humanity

2008-04-28T22:40:00.002+08:00

why do we allow evil to persist in the world even after we know and experience it?
why does no one speak up for those who are oppressed and persecuted, even if they are not human?
why do we insist on destroying God's green earth for our own gains?

the sin problem, has a solution, yet many do not see it.

what we know and do is totally different from what we should be doing. even for those who have already seen and tasted the goodness.

nevertheless, mercy is there for those who seek after it.

somethings happened today and I can't help wondering who will be there to protect those who are weak, those who can't defend themselves and whose lives are in the hands of others. human weakness cannot fully comprehend itself.

Lord, help me to defend those who can't defend themselves. I want to care for the weak just like you did.

What a day!

2008-04-07T22:28:00.003+08:00

7th April, another milestone in my life.

Thanks for all the wishes and presents.

Started the day extremely early at 6am. SOT orientation was today and boy did we had fun. I even took a plunge in the baptism pool with my phone and ipod, and not forgetting, wallet. I guess it was a new life all over again, and I learned a lesson that is no worldly material can satisfy you for long. They don't just don't last long enough. Another lesson learned was never to slip into the pool with all your stuff on you. All the items are probably going to be send for repair or I will just have another spoiled gadget sitting useless at home.

Now, on to SOT. 9 of us from JOL as well as another 11 from YA zone formed a team. We had a great day of orientation getting to know each other, running from Jurong West all the way to Expo and back to Boon Keng for a steamboat/bbq dinner. The activities range from getting stepped all over by team mates to captain ball to snake and ladder and the constant running. Even though we did not win, there was a certain team spirit that I'm quite fond of.

SOT is going to be so exciting, a time of character molding and realignment of attitudes that are wrong. Wooh.

White shoes

2008-03-26T23:47:00.003+08:00

currents swirl
torrents whirl
and my mind can't find its way
out of this dismay mess

my eyes are shut
and my head hurts
but the pool around me
just grows bigger

have you ever felt like
you are on the threshold of something monumental
but it's a hole that drags you in
and keeps you there in pitiless wallow

my heart feels like a hole has been carved out
and I have no strength left to go on
but I have to
for the sake of the ones around me.

2008-03-15T23:49:00.003+08:00

Every morning I join hundreds of commuters standing behind the yellow lines along Yishun MRT platform waiting for the empty train to come alone. Yes I know, I'm one of them. I can't stand bureaucratic work but it builds character. Imagine having to serve hundreds of customers everyday, all of them from different background and races. It's unnerving come to think of it.

Somethings I need:

Cash - To fulfill BF, to pay for SOT fees, to buy the books and clear every other outstanding debts.

Many things I want:

PSP slim @ 300
Epiphone LP Custom + gear @ 1000
Asus eeepc @ 550
New acoustic @ 600-700
Ipod Touch @ 500
3G handphone @ 300-400

It's difficult, but these items top my list for this year. I want to work for it, especially the guitars and PSP (waited so long... argh).

It's back to work and work again. Anybody got lobangs for free lance high paying job?

LOOKING FOR

2008-03-07T00:26:00.002+08:00

Youths who are passionate about current affairs, history, politics, both local and international. Wants someone who knows me and likes to write. Must be well-informed on at least a topic and not afraid to voice out opinions that matter to the society. Contact me!

oh well.

2008-02-26T01:05:00.001+08:00

gingo ot deb
thiw ipeces fo ym ahert
afkinlg uto ginaa

Thank God

2008-02-24T23:43:00.002+08:00

Down with the down days. I wana live.

Thank God for my father:

And though you were never the father I wanted and thought I would have, nevertheless you are a man in my life that taught me to see things from another perspective. You gave me happy memories of the times when you took me out on your bike, and your laughter is still infectious after all these years. You still have my respect and love because God has placed you into my life.

Thank God for my mother:

You who counseled me with love instead of scolding me mindlessly, you who have given up a large part of your life just to see me through mine. I appreciate your sacrifice and someday somehow I will make it all up to you, to make you proud that God has given you this family.

Thank God for my sister:

Even though you may be harsh and somewhat critical, yet you stood by me no matter what comes. It feels like you are a covering over me with regards to the family. Thank you for your support, though if I'd told you, you wouldn't have understood.

Thank God for family, without them I wouldn't have been able to come so far. My family is far from perfect, but somehow in the midst of it all, I see the perfect love of Christ shining through.

I think it's time

2008-02-22T03:26:00.001+08:00

I dream of the times when we were young and we were dumb
fooling around in the world without a care for a soul
doing the things we like and chasing the dreams we had
making a pact to see our act till the end of the time we had

those days are long gone in the physical sense
what would it take to relive those moments we so treasured
when we were sure the girl we like would stay forever
and the games we played will last till time ends

who would have known that there is no such fairytale
and the fairest thing that happened was our very own birth
from then on it was a battle with time and tide
to see if man or her will triumph in the end

who can fight the inevitable and the only obstacle
when we have yet to grasp the concept of eternity so dear
so we toil day and night under the punishment of the clock
to keep in sync with our earthly bodies even as it melts away

throw caution to the wind
fight for all that you have
deep within your soul you know
you've got only one life to live

take the risk you needed to
for the next day may see the end of you
rotting in melancholy is the way to go
into the deep abyss of eternal doom

the fun the sun the time we had
it has come to a premature end
it will only live on in the minds of our youth
destined to die a lonesome death

time is a harsh master
only the harsh masters time.

First love, Love First

2008-02-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is here once again, and eating all the food and drinking the fizzy drinks makes me sleepy.

Today's service was great. Got to see the married couples renew their vows again. In this time and age, many peoples' love have grown cold towards each other. It's only when one has the capacity to love, then can he have the ability to enlarge his capacity.

It's hard to believe how much anger, disappointment and hatred can damage relationships. It's only when you have experienced it that you can finally decide whether you want it to ever happen again and/or take steps towards correcting the mistakes that you have made in your life.

I can't stand ignorant people who present about others way of life without doing a thorough research. It just irritates me when some people can't get their facts right and begin to rattle off figures and statements like they really know it. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. When you make an accusation, did you really go to the source and find it out yourself? Or did you hear it from someone else who heard in from someone else? In this case, please do quote your sources so that you don't make a fool of yourself in public, particularly when you are speaking loudly to ensure that you are being heard.

Please. Just do your research, or risk being found out by others and ridiculed publicly.

Random post. Uh.

there won't be any 'New Year' in the following post

2008-01-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

It's great to be back.

Common test results are back, and I'm quite relief that I did not do badly. Passes for my Imgt, and 2 As so far. System Security still gives me the creeps, but I hope that there will be moderation.

In a month's time, I'm going to graduate, and my greatest wish is to go into SOT before NS. I'll pray that everything works out well.

The past holiday has been great, got to spent more time with my family, especially my sister. It has been such a long time since we were actually going out together.

This week also starts my trying to turn away from gassy drinks. So far I only had 2 cokes, and I pray that it stays that way. I'm trying to cut down on greasy and fried food too. I need to slim down and exercise so that I can pass napha. Oh my, what a boring post.

shining star
sails across the ocean
a single boat
glides along the dark waves

a hand reaches out
from beyond the milky way
bringing with it the stories of the universe
from the moment it began

- it ended as soon as it begin
as the world it has no sense

Some movies that you ought to watch: Fahrenheit 911, Supersize me, Bowling for Columbine. Social documentaries. Michael Moore is such a good director.