This broken world

Heya...

Final tests are over. Hope all of us get the best results we can achieve yeah? Especially after all the hard work we did to learn together.

Hmm. What do I have to update so far about my life? Well, it has been a hectic week since the last post. Basically, I gave tuition and went for training to start my network marketing job. Realised that network marketing is not that kind of 'unhealthy' tactics work. It is actually a proven formula in the major world economies like America and Japan. Hope I can go far in this career.

Now that everyone has started to work, 1wo1 people has less time to go out together until the chalet. And even during the chalet, not many people will be staying throughout the 3 days. Sad huh. Hope school returns soon. Just like what Arik wished. haha.

Alright. Recently been ver troubled. Really hate this world and all that it stands for, what it does. I have no right to hate this beautiful world, but it's just a feeling I have to say out.

I don't like to confide in other people unecessarily, that's why I choose to express myself in writing in blogs, poems, songs etc. Why? Maybe because I cannot bring myself to trust anyone fully yet, or the weight of my problems are something no one can understand.

Well. Sometimes, it all seems so minor. I feel like I'm back to the days of the past. Every night on MSN, trying my best to help people, talking to them to find out how they are. I'm definitely not fake in this area. I just want to help, to make a difference in people's lives. I hope that others happiness will make me happy. I hope that by being there for them, someone will be there for me. Well, my friends are there for me, but I still can't tell them everything can I? But somehow, something is amissed. There's a lack in my heart. I want to focus on someone, whom I can fully care for. Seems like a dumb thing to do, but I did it anyways.

Right now I just want to let go of everything, and provide anything to help any friends. Just so that at least someone can be happy. Someone in the world can be glad for a time that they got what they want.

I want to say I'm not a perfect person. You won't know me until you have seen the worse side of me. Which few people ever did. Not even many of my closest friend. Raj, you were there, Shawn, Jiayong too. MaoShen, you have onlyseen the bad side only. I can't believe what kind of person I am. I guess I'm stuck between different personalities. I try my best to be good and bad at the same time.

Right now, I'm just thinking. What have I been doing this past few months? Was it worth the time, money, effort? or could it have been directed to somewhere else. Time is shown in the number of hours I sleep a day. Not more than 4hrs on the average. Don't ask me what I am doing. Just something that will benefit people. No doubt, I'm tired. But I will keep going until I drop. Effort? if you count the travelling I did, help I have given, race I have ran, words I have spoken from the depths of my heart, you'll know what I mean. Money? I have given all I can give.

Well lastly, I just want to care for you. Everything I've done, I did it because of you. Maybe you didn't know, but I've fallen. Seems like yesterday. It's too soon to tell. Dunno why you suddenly change your attitude. Maybe you heard something about me. Maybe it's true maybe it's false. Whatever it is, you just be happy and enjoy your life while you can. I will be there when you need me, I will be there to give you a shoulder to lean on. I shouldn't promise, cause I can't keep them. But my heart will be happy as long as you are. Be yourself. My friend once told me, don't wait till tomorrow to say what you have to say today. I like you.

now my heart aches again. Why? I will just keep it to myself, like I always have.