Hear my rants

alright alright. here I am again. going to rant on and on and on.

gg. now I know.
Time to go.
It should be over.
I dunno what will happen on sunday.
hopefully I can be taken away.
somewhere far.
no need to love,
no need to hate,
no need to work,
no need to scold,
and be scolded.
my resting place.

The string has been broken
all the memories count for nothing
I rather one be happy than none
so all the best.

no regrets
just the silent cracking
of this lousy heart
giving in so easily
like before.
it's been crushed and
smashed, into a thousand pieces.
won't you help me further,
by obliterating it?
so that I can no longer feel.
then maybe I will be happy.

my heart bleeds again
it pains to love someone
I guess its the selfishness inside
that wants the love to be returned.
nobody's wrong
everyone craves it.
man was created to love.

now really, is there anything more for me to do here?
can I go back?
I feel like nothing much to help already.
Everyones got their own people.
Instead of helping them,
I need their help instead.
Not that I don't like it.
I appreciate it very much.
I truly cherish those people.
But I feel like a burden.
feel a little useless as well.
dunno how much longer can I live in this kind of mask.
oh my happiness,
it always eludes me
hiding in the strangest places,
and not one of them comes to me.
I chase every fleeting shadow
no matter how hard I tried
I still ain't got any of them.

Life's more of downs than ups,
but I soldiered on.
when will my rest come?
Through all the obstacles,
I stand fast.
Waiting for Your hands of grace
to sweep me up.

How much more do I have the strength to wait.
Everyday, I keep moving on.
I keep searching for some reason to stay.
To be who I should be.
And I've looked at the wrong places all the time.
Acts like a strange nut.
talks without brains.
only know how to enjoy life.
and tortures his friends around him.
the friends who stay indeed
are people truly worthy of a friendship.

Feel like sleeping forever
no more envy, jealousy, greed, hatred, anger, disappointment, weakness
no more love, meekness, happiness, joy
no more pretense
no more bringing others joy
no more lying to myself
no more hurting others
no more pain
just peace.

wana thank the people who made my life. In no particular order.

Family: no matter what had happened, I still love you all the same. I love you mum, for working all your life to support me. Sis, for being there to share parts of my tears and joy. Dad, I dunno what to say, but I hope better days ahead. I love you too. all my uncles and aunties, for the support you have provided me. my cousins, for being part of my only happy days in childhood.

Friends:
NBPS: few people who moulded lots of my thought and actions in primary school I want to thank, Mr Tok, Ah Toh, Brian, Francis, Wai Sian, Wei Jie, Wasinee and the rest. I know we probably dun really talk now, but the 4-5 years together were the best time of my life. Thanks.

NSS: it got off to a rough start, but I found true friends, true buddies who stick together. Thanks to Mao Shen, Raj, Jia Yong, Shawn, Siva, Kat, Yee Joo, Varian, Andy, the wonderful bunch of pple (from 1e1, 2e1, 3ec, 4ec), the YLDP poineers, NCC people, and everyone I know in the school. some other people, like Lydia, Shaw Hui, Sharon, Nadia, Hazlin, for the different perspective you put into my life. Teachers who tolerated my nonsense: Mr Ng, Mr Shaiful, Mr Brian, Thanks.

My 1W01: Wonderful class right from the start. New semester now. Must study hard. Special thanks to Don, Eugene, Arik, Shahul, Wen Shen, Carl, Zi Xian, Thuat, Yee Siang, Chuan Chang, Nicholas for all the lame stuff in school. Thanks to Sharon, Vanessa, April, Samy, May, March, February and the rest of the people. And not forgetting the Peters and Janes (this week). Thanks.

NP elites: Throughout the short time I knew you guys, we went through a lot together. Thanks to Bro Alvin, Zech, Edwin, Karen, Aaron, Samantha, Sam, Alvin, Dennis, Chew Ling, Shu ling, and many others. Thanks for the wonderful POS. We all did our best after everything.

CG: Been with you all for a long time le, from the start till now. Just want to express my heartfelt thanks to my leader, Sister Meiyi, who helped me grow. Also to Nixi, Steph, Shuyun, Moxi, Mei Zhi, Siew Ping, Rachel, Xiao Hui, Clarissa as well as to the guys, Jonathan, Aloy, Phil, Mao Shen, Jiayong, Foster, Shawn. Thanks for being wonderful CG members. Love you guys.

Choir: From the audition till now, many people to thank, but I'll just talk about Bro Justin, Glenn, Wee Cong, Caleb, John, Alvin, Victor. Glad to know you guys.

Others: People who pass me by in my life sometime or another, you too, appeared to have made a difference. Thanks.

Above all, God,
where would I be without you?
all the words in my heart can't express what I want to tell you
Thanks. Talk to you in heaven.

I know probably not many people will see this but it doesn't matter. Cause it's just a heartfelt thanks I want to express. And the only way I know is to write it out. Also, I hope everyone finds their happiness. I'm sure you all can de. Look for it in the right places. Be strong in yourself, in who you are. Don't be so easily influenced by this world. You are a unique creation. Don't be like me. If there's any thing I can do, it will be to tell you about God. He is the source of all things good.