muddy smell

These few days been out a lot. Monday went to work, and well, it was ok. Then Daniel smsed me and asked me to join the committee to organise the camp for the alumni, so we arranged to go to Pulau Ubin the next day.

Monday came and went, felt the same. Can't sleep well at night. Nagging feeling.

Tuesday. Woke up early and met up with Yashi and Don. Afterwards, I told Daniel that Don will be coming as well. So the 3 of us went to Changi, took a jetty over to Pulau Ubin. It's been awhile since I've been there. Brings back so many kinds cof memories. Happy and sad. Anyways, when we reached there, we got the bikes, took awhile to get use to the road that we were supposed to take. In the end, we reached our destination, which was the marina club. We were supposed to recce the place, island as well as to check out the cost of organising a camp there. The discussion with the owner there took quite some time, and the overrall price was around $30 per pax. It was a price hardly anyone in the alumni will be willing to pay, and therefore, we had to think of alternative. In the end, I came up with the idea of outdoor camping, and so we went back to the beach we used to camp at. It was quite far from the jetty. If I'm not wrong, it's call mamiam beach or something like that. We scout around and found it the same condition as previously, so it was probably a good campsite for everyone. Other than that, there was the rubber plantation which I defitnitely hate. Lol. The last time I was there, mosquitoes were mating non-stop. Everyone can't sleep well that night. We planned a small run through and then went to Chek Jawa. However, to our disappointment, it was high tide, and we couldn't see much. Besides, it started raining. So we hurried back to the jetty. By the time we reached the mainland (which was probably because the boatman didn't want to start with the lack of ONE person on board, after which Don decided to pay the difference whereas the rest just looked away. What kind of adults. Anyways), it began raining heavily. We waited until it was a little lighter before we ran over to the hawker for our lunch. We were joking about the drinks. Grass jelly, pineapple, sugar cane and coconut, all of which we drank. I told them about the essence and coloring and that put off don quite a bit about drinking grass jelly ever again.

We parted with Daniel afterwards. Then we went to Tampines to check out all the outdoor stuff we will need. Probably get from Army Market. We went our seperate ways afterwards. The night was spent the same way as monday night.

Slept only in the morning, and before I knew it, I was late for my BS. I woke up only at 615pm. Darn, I had to go for another one at church and choir practice after that. Choir practice was fun. We learn how to write songs. It was kind of technical but I guess, I could somehow understand what it meant.

Right now I'm sitting in mac, with Don typing feverishly beside me, blogging as well. Some of my juniors are here mugging hard as well. All the best to them. It's already 6am and I can't sleep.

No matter how sleepy I felt the past few nights, I just can't sleep. No need to say why. It's just something that is missing.

No matter what I'm feeling, I just can't say. It's not fair to others. I just don't know what to do anymore.




Sitting by the drain
listening to the wind
as sheets of rain fall
the night so cold
so does my heart
feels so apart

Staring at nothing
wanting anything
that can take it away
kind of swayed
by the pain
but it's ain't saint

sleepless at night
nothing seems right
have to wait
till I'm dead
before the angst
disappiates

How can I
live my life
anymore this way
want to get out
want to step out
of this shell
got no way
til you are back

and I'm here
without you
how many more nights
must I spent
in the absence of you
how many more hours
can I take
if I don't hear your voice

I want nothing more
than to hear you speak
I ask for nothing much
but to see you smile
I won't rest
till you come back



'it may never come true, but the heart will never stop wishing it may happen. Such is the foolishness of this heart, the undying dumbness of this flesh. All it yearns is nothing more than what it used to be. Though it seems impossible, this dumb person just don't want to give up this time.'